An Ever Fixed Mark

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

Shakespeare — One of the most famous authors of all time can probably elicit reactions from two ends of a spectrum. Some are probably awed by his genius while some, like my students, are just sick of studying his work.

Today, as I reflect on the week that’s passed, this poem or at least lines from it have taken a whole new meaning for me.  Love isn’t always given to a person of the opposite sex or members of your family.  You can give them as freely as you want to anyone.

I love my students. Whoever is assigned to me or given to me by any school, I learn to love them inspite of and despite of. But, for the past two years, I’ve come to realize that I kind of really do mean it. LOL.

In my previous school, I did basically the same things. I’d do my best to make my kids feel extra special. But here, in MITIS, I’ve always felt like I had to double my effort. Perhaps it’s because I see that my kids here aren’t as confident. Maybe it’s because a lot of them don’t have their parents with them here. Whatever the reason, the more that I feel they become lost or confused, the stronger my desire to help them becomes.  I don’t know much about how to do it.  I just know I have to do something about it if that even makes any sense.  

Time and again I’ve heard people tell me to let it go and just let them be.  Unfortunately, I’m hard-headed and insistent.  It’s not that I want them to see the world through my eyes. I don’t even want to impose my set of beliefs on them.  I just feel that, sometimes, they need to feel a bit more cared for… a bit more loved … a bit more respected.  Moreover, they just really need someone to have their backs and say, it’s ok to be confused, and it’s ok to be angry at the world.  HOW CHEESY IS THAT? Even I find my own words ridiculous to read. 

This week has been tough. The fact is, I can’t quite pinpoint the source of my distress, but as I’ve slowly tried to overcome it, I do know that I’ve learned quite a lot. First, I learned that patience is truly a gift and that no matter how mature I think I am, I can still be childish and wrong most of the time.  Second, I learned that listening is an extra special talent that I must further enhance.  Sometimes, students will say one thing when they actually really mean another.  Oftentimes, the meaner they become the more they are seemingly asking for my help.  More importantly, I learned that if you love strongly enough, you will not be afraid to admit your faults nor will you be afraid to love freely.  

Indeed, love is an ever-fixed mark such that when things go awry, you go back to what is always going to be there — the love you feel for yourself and the love you have for your students.  As corny as it may sound, if the love is true, it has the power to fix things in and by itself.

Grade 9 Krazies: Kids who will make you laugh and cry at the same time. Oh my!

And so as I end this week and say thank you to the students who have taught me well about patience, humility and perseverance, I say goodbye to whatever anger I had and just hold on to the knowledge and faith that nothing will ever be in vain.  As St. Vincent de Paul said, “Love is inventive unto infinity.”  Yes, there will be days when you feel like giving up. There will be days when you wish that you never knew them. But in the end, you will find more reasons to love them and new ways to show them how much.

Drama much? HAHA. Amen. 🙂

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